the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
