I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
