As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
