I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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