i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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