brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
