this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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