Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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