Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
