No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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