Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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