You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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