i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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