the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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