I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
