Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
