I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If that was your dad, he is hot
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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