I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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