By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
