Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
