just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
home. puking in laundry basket.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize