Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
