I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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