Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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