This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
