my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
