I CAN MOONWALK!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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