I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
