ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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