I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
