I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
