Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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