is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
two words: eviction party
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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