some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
