btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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