I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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