he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
