you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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