if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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