There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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