How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
