i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
