How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Me too!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
