Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
