I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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