I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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