I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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