Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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