I feel like abortions should bother me more
now i know why i became what i already was.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
