He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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