Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
