It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
