My nipple is on Facebook.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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