Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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