i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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