it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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