I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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