Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
