I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
