Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize