If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
