So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
