wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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