I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
