how do flat chested girls get laid?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
