Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i've created a new STD.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
