I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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