why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
