is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
