Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
